endeavors with the wicked

friend - a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
true but what if that "friend" does not feel the same? what if all that you have done is merely just "appreciated" and your gestures are meaningless in that person's viewpoint? being nice is apparently insufficient in gaining a truly deep meaningful relationship with the people you care for.

friend - a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
if this is true, why does it seem that every time you helped out a "friend", you get the feeling that the person is only nice to you because you've helped them? why is it that certain "friends" only contact you when you are needed? why can't these "friends" call for a cup of coffee? or if they are busy shouldn't they make time?

friend - a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
how are lies being "good terms with another"? you can't deny that lying is part and parcel of a friendship. if lying and keeping secrets are what make good friends, then i'd have lots of good friends indeed.

sigh. what is a "friend" anyway? the definitions above from dictionary.com is definitely insufficient in describing the word. i used to be able to feel happy when i think about this word. lately though, i am slowly learning to take up on my words about being fireproof, to close out the vulnerable part of myself so that none can lay emotional control over it. sad. but this is growing up i guess.

fire fire your pants on fire

wind-whipped flames rolled through brea this sunny afternoon. clouds of smoke dominated the sky as i drove down the 57. they were grayish white in color and blended extremely well with the sunny sky i thought they were clouds. it wasn't until i got to the cal poly field (for footie =) ) that i found out homes in brea and yorba linda were ablaze. i thought about the traffic due to freeways being closed. i thought about the envirornment due to the smoke. i thought of the poor now-homeless victims of the fire. what started as an innocent brush fire quickly spread to communities due to the eager strong winds coming in from the south. an innocent fire, causing heartaches, lives, property losses and environmental damages. an innocent fire appearing to be totally harmless can easily devastate thousands of lives.

it seems that such a fire exists too in the social web that is our relationship to the people who matters the most to us. like the brush fire, small at first, harmless at first but there, ready to set everything in its path aflame with the right push. this fire, this tendency to hurt is there. sometimes even without the strong winds, this fire can spread without reason and explanation. being burned hurts especially if the burning is done by someone you thought close to you. yet, like the fire in brea, the fires of the heart can be doused with a simple spray of water. forgivance is always within me that i can always look past what has been done. distrustfulness is a trait i find hard to obtain. yet, to be fire-proof, a sense of distance should be instilled. perhaps, i should learn a lesson in cynicism. maybe there is a "cynicism for dummies" book out there that i could pick up...

wordplay and rain

as i sat at my desk by the window watching, the rain poured, slow and gentle at first, violent and brutal a few minutes later. trickles of water streaming down my windowpane. i stared at the forlorn water-drenched garden outside and as always, a sudden influx of insights, like the sudden waves on a beach, entered my already-filled thoughts. always, i've let ideas and plans of grandeur, pass by as fleeting thoughts. always, i've disregarded these as nothing more than hopeful thinking. always, i thought but never acted. but on this rainy morning, a desire, almost an itch that i cannot shake off - like the ones you'd get from huge jungle mosquitoes - to jot down everything i was thinking of at that moment began from somewhere deep within. i don't know why but days like these have always affected me in a way that i could never explain enough.

rain, i've always liked rain. the crisp smell of water in the air, a fresh relief from the stale suffocating hot sunny days.

rain, it has always managed to put a smile on my face. no matter what i will always find solace in dark cloudy days. like a small bubble, like a sanctuary of sorts, rainy days are my days.

rain, like the delivery boy next door, brings bundles of goods, only that the goods come in the form of inspirations and the desire to do more with life.

rain, a synonym for emotional respite. the rain, the dark clouds, the occasional howling winds, and the inseparable couple of lighning and thunder all create a perfect atmosphere where i would feel cozy and comfortable just lying next to the fireplace reading a book while drinking a cuppa coffee.

rain, the Sirens from within. it would call to you, lure you deeper into your dreams if you are asleep. never would you ever want to climb out of the bed when it rains.

hence, rain and falling droplets are always welcomed and welcome to Falling Droplets.